I wrote this imaginary scenario for Gaian Times http://www.gaiantimes.com for the issue which came out in early August 2012. It was great to turn on Celebrity Big Brother on Channel 5 last night and see that they have a task of Olympian Gods v Mortals and that Zeus aka Martin Kemp is there alongside Julie Goodyear as Aphrodite.
When I was fantasising about and writing about this tale, the characters became quite real so it is fun to see BB’s version of them actually in the house. I like the idea that they have to sacrifice something in this task in order to gain the favour of the Gods and Goddesses.
My imaginary tale is quite long as I had to include all 12 of the Olympians so I will just bring in Zeus and Poseiden at the moment.
The Deity Dozen – An Audience with Big Brother 2012
(thanks to Mani Navasothy for artwork)
This is an imaginary scenario of what a programme could be like if the Olympian Family accepted the offer of going into The Big Brother House for 12 weeks to raise their profile in the 21st century. It is imagined that they would do so because they want to prove that they are not old has-beens and that they have a part to play in modern society. Their peacock, owl and dove feathers have been ruffled a bit by the rising popularity of Vampires, Werewolves and Men in Black.
Big Brother thinks, in its infinite wisdom, that Gods and Goddesses should be able to stay in the house and work out their differences as they are made of sterner stuff than us mere humans. It would be interesting as they all bring their special qualities to the house.
The presenter would introduce the event by saying that this show will be different as all will remain in the house until the final show. The public will vote for the winner.
Imagine the launch night. One by one the presenter would introduce them and they would enter the stage through a host of clouds.
The first housemate to enter is Zeus who is introduced as the Alpha Male, the big boss. His luxury item is a thunderbolt which he says he has a tendency to zap people with if they annoy him, which apparently is not very difficult. He punishes those who break oaths. He is married to Hera but is famous for his affairs which should be interesting in the house because there are cameras everywhere.
The presenter says that he would give a bit of background as they did not make an audition video.
Zeus gained his power by fighting his own father, who had been consuming all the children born to his mother, Rhea. She hid the baby Zeus and gave Kronos a substitution, a swaddled stone to swallow instead. Zeus was raised in secret on Crete, and when old enough and strong enough, defeated his father and forced him to vomit up his swallowed brother and sisters, and surrender to Zeus’s power. Apparently Kronos had done almost the same with his own father, Uranus. What goes around comes around. Zeus walks into the house (“Thunderstruck” by AC /DC is played)
The next housemate is Poseidon. The presenter says that you might be able to guess that he is the God of the Sea as there is a sea film named a film after him, “The Poseidon Adventure”. He is Zeus’ brother. The two of them drew lots and Poseidon won a small prize, his share of the world, the sea. He’s a bit greedy as he tries to take over cities. That should be interesting – being greedy in the house.
Poseidon describes himself as moody and unpredictable, one minute calm and the next roaring, just like the sea. His luxury item is a three pronged trident. He is a mover and shaker. He wears a helmet given to him by Hades which makes him invisible but the technology that the Big Brother cameras have means that there will be nowhere to hide for him. (Music, “Invisible ” by Alison Moyet). He is also associated with horses, believed to be seen in the crashing of waves on the shore. He is also believed to be the force behind earthquakes, an odd expansion of the power of a sea god, possibly due to the association between earthquakes and tsunamis in Greece. He joins Zeus in the house (“Don’t make Waves” by The Gossip)
More imaginary Olympians will enter the imaginary house later